Soulmate is an oft repeated moniker and term of endearment used by people who are in love (or think that they are) through the ages. Sometimes, one who has been bestowed the title of “soulmate” has his/her title usurped by a seemingly more eligible soul. At others, it seems almost impossible finding someone who is deemed worthy enough of such regard. Also, there is a certain flippancy with which the term soulmate is dispensed in this day and age. So what exactly is a soulmate?

Life can be viewed as one big adventure where our experiences make up the movie of our lives. All the souls we meet who contribute to the plot and significant moments are all soulmates of some sort. This includes your erstwhile family, close friends, co-workers, partners and almost everyone you’ve slept with! The media including Hollywood and Bollywood would like to have us believe that there is a “One True Soulmate” waiting for us in that big somewhere out there. Without meaning to burst any bubbles, we set ourselves up for disappointment clinging on to the romanticised notion that there’s a singular Prince(ss) Charming who is the proverbial love of one’s life. Every soulmate we meet has something to contribute to our overall growth, through both happy and sad life lessons. Broadly categorised, soulmates fall into the following three categories: karmic, companion and twin flames.

Karmic Soulmates
Recounts Sherene, 25, a Marketing Executive: “I once went out with a girl for over three years who almost destroyed my sense of self with her criticism and unkind comments. Hurtful terms like ‘psycho’ and ‘crazy’ were leveled constantly. I was tormented by the idea that I was scum and not worth loving! It was only after months of counselling that I managed to turn my back once and for all on her and break off all contact.”

Karmic soulmate relationships are usually characterised by their love/hate intensity which can send one to the pinnacle of happiness and plunge the same person to the very abyss of depression at the next instant. Usually, these relationship do not (and should not) last for very long as they have the propensity to “break” a person in all sense of the word. Paradoxically, they are also hard to get out of as there is an unhealthy obsession to “make things right” come hell or high water on the part of one or both participants.

Adds Sherene: “It was evident my ex had already started on another relationship but I stubbornly refused to take into account all the hard facts which lay before me buying into her honeyed words. I made attempt after attempt to please her and tried desperately to work things out. The turning point came when I refused to be treated like dirt any longer and gained the strength to walk away. From someone who used to be attracted to people who never made me feel good about myself, I broke the vicious cycle at long last when I sobered up to the fact that I deserve respect and kindness from my partner.”

Karmic soulmates do have their purpose as they are often important life lessons reflecting a certain aspect of us that needs attention and improvement. From Sherene’s experience above, she needed to work on her self-confidence and truly believe that she was someone worthy of a loving and kind romantic relationship. It was only with that realisation that set her free from the cycle of being involved with emotionally abusive individuals. Sometimes, people play the role of absolute idiots in our lives to wake us up to what we will or will not tolerate. The more dense (or stubborn) among us might require a succession of idiots to finally be aware of what aspect of us needs growth and therefore break the cycle. The point is, instead of clinging on to a relationship that is not working and oscillating between anger and “love” for the person, it’s better to recognise the life lesson(s) it brings and leave the relationship before it turns into something uncontrollably hideous. Acrimony and disharmony never got anybody anywhere. There is more than a kernel of truth in the old adage “what does not break you makes you stronger.”

Companion Soulmates
On a lighter note, not all soulmate relationships have to be gut wrenching life lessons. There is hope for a comfortable and amiable partnership where intimacy and friendship rank side by side each other. This best friend cum lover is often known as a companion soulmate. Albert bears testament to the existence of such relationships. Both professionals in their mid 30s, Albert and his partner Henry have been together for the past five years. They are also proud “parents” to their dogs Clive and Lucky who get along splendidly without a trace of “sibling” rivalry.

“Albert and I are at the point in our lives where we have pretty much been there, done that and want only to spend an enriching life together. We respect each other’s space and individuality despite sharing a life,” says Henry.

Enthuses Albert: “I cannot further emphasise the importance of growing as a couple. Despite having our own interests and group of friends, we find that sharing our experiences and working things through together, even problems, contribute to our individual and total growth.”

Indeed, companion soulmates offer support, encouragement and a steady supply of love to see us through the ups and downs of life. They are the pillars of strength when we need it most, the ever reliable shoulders to cry on as well the ones we want to pop the champagne with having scored a certain goal in life. These relationships often require and afford to its participants a certain level of maturity, understanding and commitment to keep the fire going. We often meet such soulmates later in life after we have sowed our wild oats and learnt enough life’s lessons to ensure a peaceful and blissful partnership. Companion soulmates are those we want to be with at the end of the day in a rocker reminiscing about the good old days.

Twin Flames
Of all the different kinds of soulmates, twin flames are the ones we feel that instant electrifying connection and passion that defies the description of words. We can have many karmic or companion soulmates in our lives but we all each only have one twin flame. Twin flame soulmates are literally two halves of the same soul, the yin and the yang of every being. The missing piece of a jigsaw that is needed for the whole picture; for divine union and completion.

However, it is at this point that I must add that twin flame soulmate relationships are very, very rare. The path of twin flames is also often fraught with difficulties and they face a lot of obstacles in coming together (and I don’t just mean discrimination gays and lesbian’s face).

Hold your horses before everyone trots off in search his/her twin flame, Twin flames seldom incarnate on the earthly plane at the same time and when they do, it is often to fulfill a pivotal life mission. So the flowers, candle light dinners and walks under the stars can go right out of the window if you are in a twin flame relationship. Instead, the stage is set for the dynamic duo to contribute positive changes to the world a la Batman and Robin.

Still, the earth moving love and passion twin flames have for each other is nothing short of a heavenly revelation. After all, Whitney did croon that “learning to love yourself is the greatest love of all.” In a way, loving a twin flame is akin to loving oneself profoundly as you are in essence two parts of the same whole. It is the closest we can get to experiencing heaven on earth. Ultimately, all of us seek to fulfill an underlying need for completion and utter belonging be it through relationships, physical union or even by way of religion. The means we go about doing it is not important. When twin flames have found each other, there will be no need for any other and the importance of accomplishing their life purpose together supercedes the desire for personal happiness, gratification and ambition.

In love, as with pretty much everything else in life, there is no hard or fast rule. This article is not meant to pigeonhole or stereotype relationships, but to act more as a guide to the different types of soulmates. There is a time and place for everything. A time to let go, a time to hold on. It is with much wisdom and maturity that we know when to do what’s meant to be done.

Having been through my fair share of relationships, I have come to realise that it isn’t how long we have together that counts, but the quality of the time spent as partners and how the experiences have shaped us to the people we are today. I shall leave you with a favorite quote of mine from Love Sutras by new-age guru Vikas Malkani: “There’s a limited amount of time we can spend with each person but an unlimited amount of love we can give during that time. So give, in all the ways that we possibly can, while we still can.”

You can call me a sinner
Or you can call me a saint
Celebrate me for who I am
Dislike me for what I ain't
Put me up on a pedestal
Or drag me down in the dirt
Sticks and stones will break my bones
But your names will never hurt

I'll be the garden, you'll be the snake
All of my fruit is yours to take
Better the devil that you know
Your love for me will grow
Because

Chorus:

This is who I am
You can like it or not
You can love me or leave me
'Cause I'm never gonna stop
No no
You know (all except first time)

Cleopatra had her way
Matahari too
Whether they were good or bad
Is strictly up to you

Life is a paradox
And it doesn't make much sense
Can't have the "femme" without the "fatale"
Please don't take offense

Don't let the fruit rot under the vine
Fill up your cup and let's drink the wine
Better the devil that you know
Your love for me will grow
Because

(chorus, repeat)

No no, you know
(repeat 3 times)

I'll be the garden, you'll be the snake
All of my fruit is yours to take
Better the devil that you know
Your love for me will grow
Because

(chorus, repeat)

No no, you know
(repeat 3 times)

your song~~

(Spoken:)
I'm gonna tell you about love
Let's forget your life
Forget your problems
Administration, bills, and loans
Come with me

In the evidence of its brilliance
(repeat 3 times)

(Spoken:)
In the demonstration of this evidence
Some have called it religion
This is not a coincidence
Would you like to try

Connect to the sky
Future lovers ride there in mission style
Would you like to try
Let me be your guide
Put aside your pride
Future lovers hide love inside their eyes

In the evidence of its brilliance
(repeat 3 times)

Love controlled by time
Future lovers shine for eternity
In a world that's free
Put away your past
Love will never last
If you're holding on to a dream that's gone

(Spoken:)
I'm gonna tell you about love
Would you like to try

In the evidence of its brilliance
(repeat 3 times)

(Spoken:)
There's no love like the future love
Come with me

Connect to the sky
Future lovers ride there in mission style
Would you like to try

[In the evidence of its brilliance] (repeat in background)
Connect to the sky
Future lovers ride there in mission style
Would you like to try
(repeat)

Brilliance (repeat several times, fading)

In the evidence of its brilliance

Je suis désolé (French, "I am sorry")
Lo siento (Spanish, "I'm sorry")
Ik ben droevig (Dutch, "I am sad")
Sono spiacente (Italian, "I am sorry")
Perdóname (Spanish, "Forgive me")

(fade in)
I've heard it all before
(repeat 12 times)

Chorus:

I don't wanna hear
I don't wanna know
Please don't say you're sorry
I heard it all before
And I can take care of myself
I don't wanna hear
I don't wanna know
Please don't say "forgive me"
I've seen it all before
And I can't take it anymore

You're not half the man you think you are
Save your words because you've gone too far
I listened to your lies and all your stories [I listened to your stories]
You're not half the man you'd like to be

(chorus)

Don't explain yourself 'cause talk is cheap
There's more important things than hearing you speak
You stayed because I made it so convenient [I made it so convenient]
Don't explain yourself, you'll never see

Gomen nasai (Japanese, "I am sorry")
Mujhe maph kardo (Hindi, "Please forgive me")
Przepraszam (Polish, "I'm sorry")
Slicha (Hebrew, "Forgiveness")
Forgive me

[Sorry] (repeat in background)

I've heard it all before
(repeat 15 times)

(chorus)

(begin chorus in background)
Don't explain yourself, 'cause talk is cheap
There's more important things than hearing you speak

(chorus continues in background:)
[I don't wanna hear]
[I don't wanna know]
[Please don't say "forgive me"]

I've heard it all before
(repeat 3 times)

There's too much confusion
It's all an illusion
There's too much confusion

Down, down, down in your heart
Find, find, find the secret
Turn, turn, turn your head around
Baby we can do it, we can do it all right

Do you believe in love at first sight
It's an illusion, I don't care
Do you believe I can make you feel better
Too much confusion, come on over here

Chorus:

Can we get together
I really, I really want to be with you
Come on, check it out with me
I hope you, I hope you feel the same way too

I searched, I searched, searched my whole life
To find, to find, find the secret
And all I did was open up my eyes
Baby we can do it, we can do it all right

Do you believe that we can change the future
Do you believe I can make you feel better

(chorus, repeat)

It's all an illusion
There's too much confusion
I'll make you feel better
If it's bitter at the start
Then it's sweeter in the end

Do you believe in love at first sight
It's an illusion, I don't care
Do you believe I can make you feel better
Too much confusion, come on over here

(chorus)

Chorus2:

Can we get together
I really want to be with you
Come on, check it out with me
I hope you feel the same way too

It's all an illusion
There's too much confusion
I'll make you feel better
If it's bitter at the start
Then it's sweeter in the end

Time goes by so slowly
(repeat 5 times)

Chorus:

Every little thing that you say or do
I'm hung up, I'm hung up on you
Waiting for your call, baby, night and day
I'm fed up, I'm tired of waiting on you

Time goes by so slowly for those who wait
No time to hesitate
Those who run seem to have all the fun
I'm caught up, I don't know what to do

Time goes by so slowly
Time goes by so slowly
Time goes by so slowly
I don't know what to do

(chorus, repeat)

Ring ring ring goes the telephone
The lights are on but there's no one home
Tick tick tock it's a quarter to two
And I'm done, I'm hanging up on you

I can't keep on waiting for you
I know that you're still hesitating
Don't cry for me 'cause I'll find my way
You'll wake up one day, but it'll be too late

(chorus, repeat)

Every little thing, every little thing
I'm hung up, I'm hung up on you
Waiting for your call, waiting for your call
I'm fed up, I'm tired of waiting on you

Time goes by so slowly
(repeat 3 times)

So slowly
(repeat 12 times)
So, I don't know what to do

(chorus, repeat)

Every little thing, every little thing
I'm hung up, I'm hung up on you
Waiting for your call, waiting for your call
I'm fed up, I'm tired of waiting on you
(fade out)