well now so lazy to update my blog.... hehe...

yesterday n today come to sch late.... but kinda satified wif my presentation yesterday.... coz kinda like.... well i come up with the grouping. and questions asked i all can answer. so kinda cool... hehehe....

yesterday was the first match for the warriors... they lost... haha... well... nvm... ahaha at least the cheerleaders have a taste of performing in public n in front of so many people.... n well wat the... i keep on forgotting the actions for my cheers.... hehehe... sorri lar.... yesterday last min ask hong crash course.... hehhe.... well quite ok lar...

the thing i find out is that well people are so into the game.... it is like.... wow... their life.... so wat if they won... so wat if we lost.... they make it such a big din n it is like..... hahhaa..... so ungentlemen like... hahah... almost said unlady like... hahaha.... n then is like..... they all scold everyone.... haha... n kinda i was wearing warriors shirt so also got... haha... this guy who came up the bus i was in n sit next to me.... started laughing n say something like donno wat lar.... but funniest thing is that i only cheer for them... n all who knoes me knoes that i don like football.... heheh... well that not all... i was listening to music from lappy as usual then cannot hear him say wat so i did not care.... then he gave up n sat somewhere else.... hahaha..... LOSER!!!! hehehe

so sian..... these days..... sat got meeting at 4 30 i think at parkway mac.... donno 5 30 or 4 30 hahaha...... watever..... so well then aft that see mayb go coffee outing..... then hor comfirm go clubbing.... mayb wif kor..... see if he can get in or not... ahaha well see how man.... if not.... SPA!!! hehehe..... lol..... kinda love it... hehehe.....

n is like saw so many cutties!!!!! omg!!!! wednesday, thursday n donno today will or not..... but can say this..... Usha is so pretty... the more i see her the more i think she is so beautiful..... o mama..... n venassa.... she is so nice now.... more lady like...... hehehe so pretty too..... n wen yan... getting cuter n cuter.... hahaha.... muz buck up!!!! muz b cuter than her!!! hahaha..... =P sorri yan yan!!! hehhe..... well kinda juz one wednesday got people say i look 16.... 3 yrs younger!!! hahaha so funny!!!! so i donno.... hahaa...=P then angie aka angline..... getting more n more like a woman..... if i am str8 i will go for her man.... hahhahaa.....

someone juz told me this..... i should try to b top..... well mayb i should..... then flex??? ehehehe..... but don wanna b active..... prefer passive..... n in fact, i so passive liao.... wat to do.... hehehe....... someone juz commented that outside i look quite active, but when hafin S** so passive..... hehehe.... =P wat to do.... hehehe.... =P

crap so much.... hahaha.... yesterday ut quite easy.... donno lar.... hahaha

i donno wat to say.... just well.... still alive..... hahha..... funny right.... hahha..... well here are some words from vj my boss during the production of the play......

Hey Sam..... u r a cool guy who is like always willing to lend a listening ear. u should stay alive. dun bother trying to kill urself cos i will kick u on ur ass okie. take care n i am alwaz here for u k.

hahha that was vj my boss!!! say hi to her kk..... well yesterday..... cool lar..... erm.... well i donno wat to say..... will juz say everything i guess......

at bout 12 plus i decided not to go to sch..... well thinking of killing myself lar... wat else.... hehehe.... then hor kor msg me n tell me that cutting my wrist will not kill me.... coz i put that as my msn nick.... so we started tokin bout dying.... he teaching me how to die... hahha.... guess he donno that i really wanted to kill myself..... well he did ask me not to lar.... so don knock his head or i will do worst.... hahaha.... but he so cute no one will do anyting to him..... except..... mayb.... hhehee...

well then couldn't remember who else msg me.... hahaha juz know that the one i don wanna msg me msg me........ alvin........
y?? coz he always make me change my mind one...... hiaz..... he hor..... nth to say..... juz well.... think think a while...... well slp......

wake up at 8..... then chao..... coz mummy donno i pon.... if not sure die.... hehehe..... went out..... took 112 around hg...... then stop to change to 53..... go airport...... damn long..... reach airport liao continue journey back to bishan...... by then ass aching more than being AHEM...... well then went to eat.... then arcard..... then play play..... then like tt lor..... then choose..... cck or east coast park...... decided to go to cck...... coz kor live there as well..... so mayb can meet him.... hahhaa......

anyway, took the train...... reach amk felt her presence...... n it is the bad one....... all the way till yishun....... then suddenly got scare of people...... n any one comes near me make my heart beat very very fast..... n very very scare....... well.... elton helps by castin a spell...... i juz lost all my ability to cast anything...... then reach cck.... went to lot1 to buy white lily..... n then went to take 172.... ask kor but he still aslp.... so went to ask the bus donno wat u call them..... then reach.... wa.... so many people there...... erm... rephase..... so many presences there.... n kinda scared by them...... actully very scare...... then call elton again.... hehehe...... then felt some helping me..... some disturbing me....... but as usual, close everyone up...... then realise that a feeling is coming from the lawn cemetary. n i was lead to it.... i can actually feel her.... hehe..... ya... she brought me there to where she is.... n when i reach there.... i was.... WOW..... finally..... wanna do this for a long long time..... hehhe..... saw her again..... n well... she still never fails to bring a smile to my face.... well that is when i finally let go of her..... finally..... hehehe....... o man..... felt so happy!!!.... well she is happy in heaven too..... n she is also waiting for me.... coz i can't release her so she can't leave me.... haha... so nice....

well aft that juz leave n went to lot1 again... ahahha.... y??? sian nothing to do and so go arcard again.... then kor sms me.... then cannot meet.... then like tt lor..... went to spa..... took 190.... hehehe... tok to alvin on the bus.... so nice.... hehehe..... then reach so enjoy lor.... then so stupid.... i fall down.... now hand still pain.... but quite comical.... hahhahaa..... then nvm things happen there lar.... went suana n so cool.... hehe.... so many people too.... quite a lot lar.... then saw this n that..... then..... went to the donno wat the name room.... it is at the roof top.... so nice.... at nite some more... hehe.... then went to the private room..... erm..... censor censor..... hehehe..... all u need to know is that i did not BJ or A*** or wat ever..... hehehe..... got well.... service by bout 4,5 guys..... so erm... nice.... hehehe.....

anyway went home aft tt..... haf dinner then tok to elton then slp....
miss the spa..... .ehhehehehehe

The Journey
Time waits for no one, sure as the tide pulls the ocean
Sure as the path that's been chosen cannot be changed
In my life's destination, I searched for the explanation
For some kind of reason for my sorrow and pain
But in my isolation, I learned to listen
To be thankful for the love that I'd been given

Chorus:
This is my journey, journey through life
With every twist and turn, I've laughed and cried as the road unwinds
This is my journey, and I've learned to fight
To make me strong enough, to lift me up, to bring my dreams alive

In my desperation, I swore never again
Would I hear all the laughter of my friends and my family
A million tears that I'd cry then began to dry
Silence of the night time
I have come to realize a sweet inspiration filled my horizon
Gave me the heart to go on and never would give in

Repeat Chorus

I'm going to love each moment of every day and every night
I'll look back to the past with the sweetest smile
For now, I realize I've been given the key to life
I've been kissed by the angel by my side
Oh, yeah

Repeat Chorus

To bring my dreams alive
To bring my dreams alive

guess i will b doin wat i did yesterday..... will stay here till my com fully charge

tml i will not go to sch...... then see how lor..... mayb go beach....... i donno lar..... coz now really really feel like killing myself.....

shall i kill myself in a few ways??? or juz one.....

wanna try to cut my wrist but kor say that will not die..... may can try and see if it is true.......

hiaz...... mayb it is bout time i open up to people......

but i haf not open up enough???

y am i feeling like that?? i donno..... do i know??? not so sure....

when the time comes for me to really KILL myself will i do it????

if i say i am goin to attempt sucide tml.... will anyone stop me???

well.... i won the case..... but lost my mind.... how nice.......

i can only say now that i think i am so gonna fail today's test. and i will be taking a day off tml.... i hope to be able to do tt.... try to get an MC..... i can't take it anymore...... the longer i stay in class, the faster i die man....... the more people say the more my headache...... aaaahhhhhh can i go now??? i hope that i can don go to cheer today...... o pls..... can i take a break..... AAAAAAHHHHHHH

damn..... i can only say that my mind is dead..... don feel like goin to cheer later...... don wanna take test.....

suffering from mental breakdown already.... i think i really going to die later...... during cheer i think i gonna have problem going home later...... hiaz..... thank you elton for making me like this......

i think that i really love this blog..... wonder wat can i do without it........ thank god that david join me n elton juz now...... thank god that elton left..... tok to david...... haha.... learn a lot form him..... but still feeling down...... later i hope i will not fight and i hope that i will not cry.... donno lar..... seems like goin to break down fast..... n not only that.... later got cheer.... o man...... depress me goin for cheer..... =(

i think i may ask for sick leave tml..... i need a break..... i really do..... then go to the beach....... i hope..... i gonna need a lot of battery n power if i want to....... i sometimes wonder who is it that can make me feel good and well..... y do we all think that it has to be our bf or gf..... i really donno..... coz i know i will not..... n usually so do we..... if u haf a prob do u ask ur frens or stead???? thank god i used blogspot.... can post as many as i wan....

i donno wat to say...... the forum seems so fuck up...... i get angry wif people for no reason.....i think i shold stay at home one day........ i donno...... don feel like goin to sch..... yet don wanna stay at home....... i think i will go to the beach one day........

i donno wat is happening to me now....... miss him too much?? or juz one of my mood swing...... or juz my pms...... i miss a lot of things...... i wanna go back to my sec sch....... was thinking of leaving church........ thinking of hafing a long rest...... wanna stop YCS work soon..... i hope...... can't seems to go on with life...... i think that i will be posting long long post like yesterday....... well donno who comes n rread but then all i can say is that i don care..... this is myy blog...... this is the place for me to crap...... to tok...... if i don haf this, i think i might juz gone n die...... wat is the easiest way to die??? n slow n painless???? wish i can switch place wif someone dying of cancer..... i donno..... but hiaz..... y depress again........ wat up???? hiaz...... tired..... wanna slp...... long slp..... long long slp..... don wanna wake up..... i wanna one day soon..... morning go beach n then stay there the whole day.......

i wonder wat happen to my kor...... hiaz....... i really donno...... and i wish that he is not as bad as me...... adrian....... sometimes i wonder....... why do i miss u so much...... y u affect me so much....... y???? and i donno if it is love...... coz i really donno wat is love...... not anymore i think.... do i love u??? or i juz wan u??? i donno...... am i suffering from withdrawal symptoms??? is it that i have too much of u??? now i can't let u go???? what is happening to me???? can't stand even withh the mention of ur name..... juz ur name...... even if it is not u....... y??? y is it that everywhere i go it seems that every one looks like u....... why is it that i see u everywhere?? y r u everywhere i go???? y r u all around n not wif me??? it is like see u yet cannot see u....... u r there yet not there....... when can i get the courage to ask u..... to seek u...... to find u........ to ask u that question....... y is it that i seems to lost all my courage?????

sometimes i really admire Aeris, the gal who die in FF7...... given a chance, i don mind dying...... for people i love, for te world...... although i think that it is selfish to die coz i don like it here, but still i think that it is great to die so others might live....... not toking bout religion here...... juz..... me........ mayb that y i wanna b a cheerleader...... as a base, u haf to protect ur flyer wif ur life..... n i don mind..... i am willing to do so....... i hope that i live alone or haf my own room....... then i can really enjoy wat i am doin now....... off all lights...... listen to songs..... sad songs...... love songs..... and only my music and my com n me...... n tt all...... alone..... in this room of mine........

freedom...... wat that?? the ability to do watever u wan, be who ever u wan, nothing to stop u, no one to care bout....... that is something i almost experience wif uncle darius juz now...... well wif adrian in my heart i am never free...... and well when i got that, it seems that i haf to go back to sch liao..... hiaz.... where is my freedom?????? when will i get it????

i took a long time to type this...... form bout 9 45 till watever time i post...... juz feel so sucky.... n wanna type n write n throw everything out....... o man.... i donno wat i am doin...... again...... i really don feel like goin to sch tml...... can i......if i go it is only coz of david, my fac...... y??? i donno..... respect him....... juz like last sem...... it was terence n cyb..... got test tml..... so haf to go...... damn......

y is it that we all only realise what we have aft we lost it???? y can't we know it eariler???? wat is life??? y do we question life???? LIFE....... wat r u???? y r we here??? human????? a creature created by god?? or juz a monkey...... i kinda like the story of eva...... i donno y.... but it seems so nice...... so mystic...... n so like my religion...... well...... watever.......

frens or family???? do u haf frens closer to u that your family???? i have a family outside..... n i think they r more of my family thhan my family...... at least they r there when i need them...... hahaha.... i usually don say out my prob to them...... haha.....

who will b at my wake n funeral when i die???? i used to ask myself this question....... i donno.... coz i used to think that no one likes me..... so when i die it will b juz like this...... finish..... gone...... nth left...... will anyone remember me??? will people know me????? will anyone visit my grave????? will u???yes u say..... soon?? years later???? say that i am young.... ya... i am.... old??? ya i am too...... but i fear of growing up..... mayb tt y i so childish.....

lost in my mind...... hahaha.....

did not went to the sea.... coz last min a friend of mine, dominic, called...... so decided to go to his house as it is within walkin distance...... will not go into details wat happen there but he did helped me brighten up my day a little..... a little......

i realise that i haf fallen into my this depression again..... n then i refuse to let anyone in again...... so u people..... don bother asking me wat is wrong..... coz i will not tell u..... as usual...... u will know if u read my blog..... but then...... other than that no...... don bother wishing me well...... coz i am not........ don bother making me happy...... coz i will not.......don bother helping me....... coz i will not let u people help....... not even if u pull me out n scold me........ sorry...... empty now...... shell without a soul........ stunt......... donno wat i am doing...... don bother....... waiting for the end only.....

went out.... wif uncle darius to eat...... hiaz..... miss tt..... then rush back..... o man.... still feeling down... don feel like goin home..... don feel like goin anywhere.... i wanna go beach...... miss the sea.... how nice if can juz float away on the sea...... to a place where no one is...... where no one stay..... all by myself....... or better still..... sink till the btm of the sea...... n stay there..... n stay n sink n there......................................................................................................................................

o man.... y my kor sad i also sad..... hiaz..... sama sama.........

so piss so angry so donno how to do..... so hungry so irriated so wanna kill someone.....

donno wat happen to kor..... me sad too.... kinda hiaz..... donno.... wanna go to the beach later.....

CAN U PEOPLE DON'T SENT ME ANY MORE THINGS BOUT LOVE????????????? IT IS HURTING ENOUGH ALREADY AND I STILL HAVE TO BE REMINDED OF IT WHEN EVER I READ WAT U PEOPLE SENT ME!!! PLEASE FOR ONCE.... LET ME STOP CRYING!!!!

i donno wat happen.... but suddenly feel so sad...... n depress..... thinking of..... him?? again?? i think so..... listening to some songs......

actually was so happy.... that he sent me a email.... wishing me happy birthday n that all my wishes will come true...... if only it is true.... if only he can make it come true..... funniest thing is that he is the only one who can make it come true...... hiaz......

the truth i have now come to realise is that, in our heart, there is this hole... and it is different in all... and the thing is that adrian fits this hole perfectly..... and when he left the emptyness is there..... and well we are too empty to know what happen.... well at least tt me..... kinda coz i never felt like this before..... not even wif karen..... and then began my search to fill this hole..... some can put in but do not fit..... some did not fit at all...... and i fit in some too..... however they do not fit mine...... so thus i believe we all are seaching for that one that fits perfectly...... kinda like those who are happily attached.... str8 or ajs..... n maybe adrian fits mine but i do not fit his.... who knows... but i wanna know if i fits his or not..... coz if i don.... then too bad for me..... n i guess i will move on n let others come in...... but for now, it is him and only him.....

sometimes people just want to wait for others when it is clear that the other party is not willing to accept...... all i can say is that think bout this..... that person may fit perfectly in that hole in ur heart but do u fit his?? or hers??? if u don then he or she is not meant to b urs...... n that someone else better is out there...... someone who fits the hole in ur heart n u fits theirs.....

love is a game in a way....... it is a matching game..... where we match here match there..... to find the perfect fit in both party....... it is kinda long game that will last a lifetime...... why wanna get attached now when we are so young??? y so desperate to get attached???? this love game is not something that we can say we want n we get...... it is like when i don wan there are so many people wan me...... n when i wan, donno where they all go...... but still i will wait..... i will wait till the one comes...... if we can find our one now.... good..... but i am willing to wait..... i don wan to fall for nth again..... i don wanna hurt others n get hurt anymore......

love...... love me...... love me not....... how to know if u r in love????? love??? it is a very very strange thing...... the ones that come... well good.... no matter what happen, i feel that i have gain something from each and every one...... feel sad once in a while for some...... happy for some...... n well..... thinkin of one....... i miss u adrian....... sure u can't tell that i am crying now.... sure u donno that u r the first person i love i cried for..... n cried the most....... n longest...... there are things u don know n things that u will never know......

Boyzone
I Love The Way You Love Me

I like the feel of your name on my lips
And I like the sound of your sweet gentle kiss
The way that your fingers run through my hair
And how your scent lingers even when you're not there
And I like the way your eyes dance when you laugh
And how you enjoy your two-hour bath
And how you've convinced me to dance in the rain
With everyone watching like we were insane

Chorus :
I love the way you love me
Strong and wild, slow and easy
Heart and soul so completely
I love the way you love me

And I like to imitate ol' Jerry Lee
And you roll your eyes when I'm slightly off key
And I like the innocent way that you cry
At sappy old movies you've seen hundreds of times

[Chorus]

And I could list a million things
I love to like about you
But they could all come down to one reason
I could never live without you..

[Chorus] till fade



Michelle Branch
Goodbye To You

Of all the things I believe in
I just want to get it over with
tears from behind my eyes
but I do not cry
Counting the days that past me by

I've been searching deep down in my soul
Words that I'm hearing are starting to get old
Feels like I'm starting all over again
The last three years were just pretend and I say

Goodbye to you
Goodbye to everything I thought I knew
You were the one I love
The one thing that I tried to hold on to

I still get lost in your eyes
And it seems like I can't live a day without you
Closing my eyes till you chase my thoughts away
To a place where I am blinded by the light but it's not right

Goodbye to you
Goodbye to everything I thought I knew
You were the one I loved
The one thing that I tried to hold on to

Ohhh yeah
It hurts to want everything & nothing at the same time
I want whats yours and I want whats mine
I want you but I'm not giving in this time

Goodbye to you
Goodbye to everything I thought I knew
You were the one I loved
The one thing that I tried to hold on to
The one thing that I tried to hold on to

Goodbye to you
Goodbye to everything I thought I knew
You were the one I loved
The one thing that I tried to hold on to

We the stars fall and I lie awake
Your my shooting star


911
The Day We Find Love

Isn't the first time won't be the last time

Don't you worry, I don't mean to make you sad
My tears will soon be over with your conscience clear for a new life ahead
Don't be sorry, I really need to hear the truth
The only thing I'm asking, cause I need you to remember me
As the only one who sets you free
Maybe time alone will make you see how deep our love could be
No, it's never to late

* Cause I know this isn't the first time won't be the last time
I surrender my soul cause you're always
Keeping me waiting, anticipating the day we find love once again

I won't give up while there's a glimmer of a chance
A dream that's never ending inviting love and a perfect romance
A burning passion, oh, baby, you're my destiny
But the message I'm receiving is you're through with me
But I'll be there even though you tell me you don't care, no,no
How could you forget the times we shared, don't throw our love away
You know it's never too late

[Repeat *]

Ooh, remember me as the only one who sets you free
Maybe time alone will make you see how deep our love could be
No, it's never too late, no, no, no, no

[Repeat *]


Alex Wong
Bui Yao Hai Pa
wei yi

S Club 7
Show Me Your Colours

You cast your spell over me
Don't know where to turn to anymore
I see your face
Every morning when I wake up
Every night when I go to bed

You're here with me
Somehow, don't know how
I can feel you right now
So close, so real

Do, do-do, do-do
Show me your colours

Show me
Show me your colours
Show me
Don't break this spell I'm in
Please don't break my heart
Show me
Show me your colours, baby
Tell me who you really are

I know you want what I want
Far away, but still within our reach
Do you dare?
Are you brave enough to show me
What your heart really wants to

I say your name to myself out loud
Wanna have you all around
Like a cover for the cold on the outside
Making love in the candlelight

Do, do-do, do-do

Show me
Show me your colours
Show me
Don't break this spell I'm in
Please don't break my heart
Show me
Show me your colours, baby
Tell me who you really are

Baby
Don't tell me I mean nothing
After all you did
Baby, don't you tell me
Tell me I mean nothing
Tell me I mean nothing to you
Please show me now

Show me
Show me your colours
Show me
Don't break this spell I'm in
Please don't break my heart
Show me
Show me your colours, baby
Tell me who you really are

Show me
Show me your colours
Show me
Don't break this spell I'm in
Please don't break my heart
Show me
Show me your colours, baby
Tell me who you really are

I'm not allowed to adore you
The way you know I really want
But I do
Even though it's been a nightmare
To pretend that it's all, alright
It's not the easiest thing to avoid
Damage is already done
I'm in love
With you

Have You Ever
Shin
Yi Liao Bai Liao


Ant & Dec
Apology

dinner on friday nite was.... hahah... cool.... went to play captian's ball b4 meeting my parents.... then we lost but cool n fun...... hahhaa..... o well... we need to organise more class outing..... hhahaha...... then went to fish n co. at next to park mall one..... queue too long so went to novena one..... hahaha..... so fun.... eat then go home.....

tt is how i celebrate wif my family..... hehee......
aft dinner called sham n realise that the cheer meeting time is at 11.... that means that i cannot go to ycs wu dao n zhong wei hui yi..... o no..... call my two dearest mummy up and thankfully they helped..... if not sure die..... hahaha.... so did not go for the meeting.... anyway went to the warriors home aka cck stadium n wow haf fun.... cheers n all.... cut myself but nvm..... heard that boss's njc team got into finals.... YEA!!!! well done people!!!! will b goin to see them next week.... hehehe......

then went to my kor's place to print mummy's thing..... hehehe.... played ff XI n wow.... cool..... hehhee may buy the game......
but still best is FF X-2 man... so cool..... hahaha..... took 15 min to get used to the game.... hahaa..... so nice of kor to let me play...... hahaha....

went home for dinner..... n mummy cooked...... samba kangkong n cod..... finished up..... :'( ...... too good liao..... but nvm still haf the salted veg. and duck soup.... o man.... so nice..... coz felt really felt my mummy...... love n all...... so so so so happy n hungry that i eat till i spill rice all over myself..... but hahahha..... i love my mummy!!!!!! muackz!!!!!

now so lazy..... o well wat to do.... hahaha......