Was watching Eva the movie called “The End of Eva”. Seem like I have a lot in common with the main lead. Both of us kinda lost track of reality and dream. Sometimes I wonder what is real and what is not. Reality…. Wat is that?? I guess that is something that I have to find out myself. Coz I really lost it I guess. Too much suffering and pain…. And to shinji, the male lead, the only person who can solve his problems n help him is Ausuka, the 2nd pilot, pilot of my fav. Eva. The red one. And he always beg her for help but she says no. then he want to kill her. In fact all this happen in his dream world. And in real life, everyone is trying to help him but he refuse to allow then in. for me, hahaha…. I only go to Adrian…. And I refuse to let others help me…. And the thing is that if Adrian will not help me I will not kill him but I will break off everything with him….. kinda like shinji… he likes ausuka but still wanna kill her for not helping him. Hahaha…… man…. All this while in my mind I only allow Adrian to help me….. to tell me what to do. Kinda time to think for myself…. Like shinji, the answer he wans comes too late…. Everyone is dead…. But for me, I guess I woke up too late too…. Hurt so many people liao…..he n I, when depress, don care what happen or whatever…. Man… so like me…. Wat can I say?? I think that everyone thinks like me, act like me….. am kind, nice, good to one another…. So nice….. but when the real world show me what I don wanna see? Go back to my dream world where everything is so nice and great…. N my dream guy here, next to me…. And nothing else matter…. To tell u the truth, I am still in it. I wanna runaway from this world to a place where I can be and everyone thinks like me…. I wanna fly away and leave all these to yesterday…… hiaz….. dreams…… reality……… what are they???? Suddenly, I donno what is reality….. what is dreams….. what am i… who I am…. Who I really is…. What I wan…. Know y I am passive??? Coz I donno wat I wan…. N I juz get what others give me….. I don like to lead….. I don wanna make decision…… coz all I know will happen is in my dream world…. Not this world….. actually u know something…. I don even know when my day is over….. I kinda have no sense of time…. I donno y….. seems so…. I donno….. felt like…. I am juz living….. I wanna live….. but donno wat to do….. day in day out do the same thing….. may haf learnt things that I don even know I haf…… that is y I cannot plan stuff…. Coz I will always think positive thing will happen…… usually not the case….. hiaz….. wat to do….. the only time when I am out of my dream work is when I was with Adrian and when during cheerleading…. Other than that, I usually am in my dream world….. where I live….. I stay….. things happen my way…… healthy or not I donno….. but there is where I got many of my ideas…… I sometimes wonder really really what am I doing….. coz I really donno….. y I meet people??? Y I do this…. Y I did that?? Y is it that I can don care wat people think bout me…. Why why why….. but always no one ans me….. guess no one will….. since when did I becomes like this??? I donno….. will I get out of it??? I donno….. why I like guys???? Why I can’t seem to picture myself wif a gal???? why is it that I do all that I can and it is still not enough…… y do I not trust myself… y do I hate humans yet need them so much….. y can’t I be alone….. why is it that I am like this??? Why do I think like that???? Why do I love a person so much to be willing to die for him…. Y I can just stop thinking bout reality and juz think of nth and then juz go n die…… y do I know wat is goin to happen before it happen???? Why my life is so screwed up???

What am I talking bout????

Wait…. Who am i???
Who r u????

Identity crisis??? No…. been there done that…. Who I really am??? Which is my mask n which is myself….

Can’t seems to answer many questions……

Samuel….. Samuel….. Samuel…….
Sam… sam…. Sam…..
Duo Maxwell…… duo Maxwell….. duo Maxwell…..

Erm… who am i???



One of these days I may haf to go n see a psychologist…..

well... here i am.... busy but updating my blog.....

yesterday the match was fantastic..... hahaha....we lost but i think it is a good game..... hahaha.... coz the whole thing was like so cool n great.... n the GUYS R CUTE!!!!! ALL JAP SOME MORE!!!!!!

DROOL.......


well anyway that for the game..... n well.... slppy as usual......

man i can't seems to believe but i keep on thinking of hunk.... o man..... aslp n awake he is there.....

well i think who ever comes first i will go to him...... o well..... easier

well if we let go of something we will get a better thing.... is it true???? i donno...... but then.... i asked adrian liao.... then if i let him go n get someone else, whose fault is it???? him for not replying me on time or rather fast enough or me for asking in the first place...... y i keep on thinking of him..... n that not all.... kinda keep on dreaming of my dream guy......


anyway, i decided to keep my mind open liao..... heck all those things that disturbe me...... coz i really have to..... n act n think fast....

well wat happen to laila.... is ...... i know she is goin to fall before she even do elevator..... n aft i throw her i also know it will fail..... but i am a second too late.... to react..... n i know way before..... y can't i think of ways to save her???? hiaz...... wat is wrong wif me...... i kinda don trust myself since a long time ago.... then i started again.... now.... stop.... hiaz...... i donno if i can stand one more depression...... coz i kinda feel it coming....... o man... rairua here i come!!!!!

laila fall today at cheer practice..... n it is my fault..... damn it....... damn damn damn...... i know she is going to fall liao.... y didn't i do anything...... freak!!!!!...............

sad..... sob sob.....

dreaming of my dream guy again..... aahhhh cloud nine..... then thinking of adrian.....


must do work liao.... then can really keep him out of my mind..... aaahhhhh same old feelings coming back.... damn......

You are Form 1, Goddess: The Creator.

"And The Goddess planted the acorn of life.
She cried a single tear and shed a single drop
of blood upon the earth where she buried it.
From her blood and tear, the acorn grew into
the world."

Some examples of the Goddess Form are Gaia (Greek),
Jehova (Christian), and Brahma (Indian).
The Goddess is associated with the concept of
creation, the number 1, and the element of
earth.
Her sign is the dawn sun.

As a member of Form 1, you are a charismatic
individual and people are drawn to you.
Although sometimes you may seem emotionally
distant, you are deeply in tune with other
people's feelings and have tremendous empathy.
Sometimes you have a tendency to neglect your
own self. Goddesses are the best friends to
have because they're always willing to help.


Which Mythological Form Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

hiya..... i hate mood swings.... how i wish that he will ans me quick..... to wait or not to wait...... i am willing to wait...... for how long also can..... i will...... but don leave me hanging there..... as.... well, i cannot take it sometimes....... thinking of him.... n well.... wish to be with him again.... wish.... but some how i know that that will not be true..... how.... hiaz..... somehow it has gotten more difficult to get over him.... now that i see him again.... well..... i will still wait for his reply.... till then i will wait..... i juz hope that if he don wan to continue he will tell me.... not leave me hanging there

well... i kinda love my lab coat..... hahaha.... coz keep me warm..... n kinda used wat i learnt in elementz in my lesson.... lol.....

o n muz go back to hihs to see teachers man..... kinda.... long time nv see them liao..... ehhee....

n as i say.... donno wat i can do without my blog......

o know wat..... been dreaming of this person..... no face.... but taller than me..... hunky looking one..... one that can lift me up one...... one that is so...... my type...... hehe...... donno wat it means.... hehehe...... =P i wan him in real life.....!!!!!!
if only man..... that will be so cool..... too bad can't see his face..... i hope is not yet.... hehhee..... o man.... fantasize fantasize...................

o wanna include take care kk chris..... nanny alvin is free whenever u need him..... hahahaa..... well so am i......

n i haf decided..... i will not wanna open up!!!! too difficult..... well only to some..... hehehehe..... =P n well... i love my new plan...... people u can call me from 7am to 7 pm!!!!!! heheehe!!!!!!!!!!!
wanna get a new phone too.... one that can take photo n got infra so i can infra to lappy..... then got more photo for fridae profile...... who knows i mayb able to put some.... *ahem* pics inside..... ehehehehhee.......

o n n n my spa got offer!!!! 13 bucks per entry!!!!! cheap!!!!! n well student is 10 n well i think i wanna go one of these days....... hahhahaa....... membership only 5 bucks..... n n...... it is high class one..... good cruising place (oops...) n well nice ambience...... rating of 9/10!!!!! hehehee...... mayb goin to try its skin nites..... hehehe..... =P

BITCH!!!!! SLUT!!!!!! HAHAHAHAHHA!!!!!!

since everyone is doing this.....

Ki System

Natal Year number: 6
With a strong sense of responsibility for his family and close friends, Samuel has a tendency to blame himself if anything should go wrong, even if it is clearly not his fault. He will work long and hard - perhaps too hard for his own good - and unless he is careful his life may lack the fun, humour and social activity that would force him to be more outward looking. This in turn makes him careful with money in the sense that he will apply funds only to those things that are of the utmost importance to him. He holds strong views from which he will not easily be moved.

Natal Month number: 5
A realist who brings a practical approach to problem solving, Samuel's confident outlook will soon lead him to a position of leadership. Because he has developed fixed views on the important things of life, Samuel has an inner core of confidence that will at times make him appear stubborn. Yet such a trait is so well balanced with the gentle side of his nature, that his personality appeals to a wide audience.

Natal House number: 6
With an analytical brain, and holding strong views, Samuel may appear to be somewhat stubborn. He is likely to have a particular interest in technological matters, and will work long and hard to master the skills needed to put that technology to good use. Family-orientated and good with money, he will work best with a small circle of like-minded colleagues.

Comments based on Western Grid

1

Although Samuel may be reasonably talkative in public, he finds it difficult to express personal feelings to those closest to him. In employment terms, this inhibition is of little consequence.

22

Highly intelligent and acutely sensitive, Samuel is a good judge of other people's motives and character. He enjoys high intelligence, and with a number 7 (in the Western Grid) he would be suited to a vocation in the priesthood. Sensitive to the needs of others, Samuel should be employed to the benefit of those who lack the advantages enjoyed by others.

5

Well-balanced, with an understanding and compassionate nature, Samuel is a natural leader who can inspire others. But he needs a certain amount of freedom at work and at home. With a compassionate and caring nature, and with the ability to get on well with others, Samuel will be a strong member of any team and will provide solid inspiration and support to his colleagues.

7

Samuel will find life's lessons hard to learn. He will suffer from loss (of possessions or those he loves) before questioning the cause of that loss. It is likely that Samuel will develop a faith of some sort, and although it need not necessarily be a religious faith, it will nevertheless be something that he holds onto against all the evidence. Potential employers need to find out what that faith entails.

8

Good with details and with a methodical approach, Samuel nevertheless is someone who enjoys constant new challenges to maintain his interest. He is a methodical individual with attention to detail, but is inclined to leave tasks unfinished if his active mind alights on something of greater interest. Routine tasks that fail to challenge his intellect are at greatest risk, so Samuel needs a job that offers variety.

9

Ambitious to improve his lot, Samuel will constantly push forward to achieve something in his life, yet this ambition will be balanced by humanitarian ideals that will lead him to support causes that may demand self-sacrifice.
[The Arrow of Activity: the numbers 7, 8 and 9] Enjoying the outdoors, Samuel is someone who will perform best by being busy. He dislikes confined spaces, and needs both physical and mental exercise. A good walk in fresh air is an intellectual catalyst like no other to Samuel, whose need to be constantly occupied is an asset to any employer.
[The Arrow of Determination: the numbers 1, 5 and 9] Determined and persistent, Samuel has the patience to wait until he has achieved his goal. He enjoys a progressive and enterpreneurial approach, and as such, will be an asset to any employer. If the number 4 (in the Western Grid) is missing, he will be inclined to lose his temper on occasions.
[The Arrow of Emotional Balance: the numbers 2, 5 and 8] Understanding and compassionate, Samuel is well-balanced. He possesses sound leadership qualities that are of use in a wide variety of jobs. With an understanding and compassionate nature, Samuel can appreciate the views of others, and thus gain the respect of the community in which he lives or works.

Comments based on Chinese Grid

11

Samuel will be reasonably successful in financial terms, and enjoy a degree of luck.

5

Emotionally well-balanced, Samuel is not too intense, and will reach the right decisions. However, with the numbers 2 and 3 in the Chinese version, the balance may be upset.

88

Samuel has sound business acumen with an analytical brain, and the capacity to seize the opportunity when it appears.

9

Although Samuel is ambitious, his ambition is tempered with humanitarian ideals.
[The Arrow of Willpower: The numbers 1, 5 and 9] Samuel is somewhat stubborn and very determined. Holding strong opinions that he will voice without reservation, he will nevertheless reach his goals through persistent hard work.
[The Arrow of Apathy: Lacking the numbers 2, 6 and 7] Samuel lacks the will to succeed. Somewhat indecisive, he will miss opportunities and avoid risk. Samuel needs to recognise that life's chances must be grasped with both hands when the opportunity arises.

kinda long never post liao..... coz well... lazy n not at home during weekend..... anyway

friday
aft sch went to cck at god speed coz match coming up.... at 7 in tpy.... so got to b fast..... then we went to cck at bout 6. so cool.... went n cheer n cheer n cheer n wow.... we won!!!! 1-0.... hehehe =P well chris did called me up n asked me out but sorry chris..... can't...... well anyway then got home n i was like... so tired but happy n so cool man.... so nice..... hehe.....

sat
went to cut my hair.... now short short one.... then went ycs meeting.... 4 of us only.... but still nice.... then went to meet uncle simon n kenny dear and kenneth n benny for dinner...... hehehe... n best thing is that we went newton to makan!!! nice..... hehehe..... then went to nines.... first time 1 hr journey for a 20 min bus ride..... anyway reach there then alvin came.... ahahhaa.... then we both went to go to see elton who is working at backstage after they guys left.... actually don wanna go clubbing one.... but then.... adrian goin.... so.... hehehe.....

went n see elton.... angie there as well.... wif her fren donno how to spell her name.... hahaha... then we sit there chat wif two guys..... one "straight" one aj.... hahaha..... then we bring them around chinatown n tanjong pagar area..... as in aj areas..... see see look look..... then went clubbing together..... hahahaa..... they saw adrian.... n i was like.... hehehehheehehhee....... =P

so like we club hopping...... hahaha coz adrian at why not n they wanna go wateerbar...... so hopping lar...... then uncle darius join us... hehehe so nice...... well.... then chris drunk..... o well as uaual..... but then erm.... kinda gave him a lot of my energy then drained till cannot think..... hahaha....

uncle darius drove me home, then went makan wif alvin..... too bad i cannot go.... hahahaa......

sunday
reach home at bout 3 plus.... woke up at bout 6 plus..... 3 hrs only.....
then went reading.... amos fly kite..... so me alone..... scare to death.... screw both reading up.... n the cantor also nevous..... n the priest also.... hahaha.... wat a mass man..... =p then went home.... watch CARTOON!!!! hehehe so long nv watch liao..... hahaha... then slp.... from 11 plus till 6 plus.... hahaa....=p well then went to eat wif my parents.... went campass point then..... got a new M1 line....hahahhaa... free incoming..... n then still haf 1000 sms!!!!! aaaahhhhh so people know that i change my number liao hor..... don call the old one... call 94386902..... hehee.....

went back to hg for dinner.... full man.... reach home sms people liao..... then slp....... then

monday
now in school..... sian... donno wat the biochem is tokin bout.... die....