well... bad day today... (mayb should say yesterday... but nvm)

anyway, went cheerleading... as u all know i haf not been training for a long time due to my cough... so went back... me getting bad at lots of the stunts... so... well... takes a while to get back my momentent.... but guess some people either has too high expectation of me or juz plan idiotic as in wan the stunts to go well everytime... lol lor... pls.... i juz recover from an illness... n still coughing my dear... n u think it is so easy to carry a gal u can always take over my position... it is at days like this that i question myself y i join them.... lol..

anyway, dinner was one of the reason i guess... hehe... well, the moms cook very very nice malay food... unable to find outside one... thank god i am there sia... we had our christmas celebration n boy was it good... i mean the food lar... hehee... well... don think there is much to say bout that...

anyway, dar dar sms me.... n asked how was i... bla bla bla... anyway, that guy always say the wrong thing at the wrong time... well i was feeling down already... (am feeling down this few days) and he still pisses me off... i am like... argh liao... n he still question me bout a lot of things n stuff.... i am so piss wif him that... i donno... i kinda... push him away.... n... well... i think we kinda break off for... well... erm... ever? don think he will b contacting me any more.... hiaz... a mistake? or... something which i should do for a long time liao....

that is one...

well.. got to know this guy called eric... he is nice... n... we kinda had this " he needs a bf n i need someone to be by my side" kinda thing n... status now... unsure... n thinking bout it... i don think i would wanna get involve wif him... well at least not yet... coz... there is no love btn us... i like him.. he like me.... n we are single n... well... that not rite... rite?? hiaz.... he is nice... very nice to me... hiaz.... got to stop....

n... well our usual... that one i haf been mentioning in my blog.... lol... i think it is close to a mth liao... n i haf not get my reply... n it is like... kinda been putting off wif him.... coz he is stress n ya... he is this... he is that... i am ok... fine wif watever he says bout me n try not to ans back.... try to make him happy but seems to b makin him more angry wif me.... i donno... i went into this... with me blanding into him... into his ways... into his move n all... n his reply was.... can u don be like that.... u never take anything seriously... n when he joke can... i reply wif a joke... he is angry... well... i still can take it... every time i got angry n he say see scold me i will juz stop n cool myself down... hiaz... it is hard... but i am doin it.... but... wat is it that he is doin i donno.... n i really.. really... wan my ans.... hiaz... to wait... or not.... n still haf not ask him yet.... he can't take hint.... argh!!! first time someone make me like this sia.... if it is last time... not up to my standard, sayonara.... hiaz..... god!!!

it is at time like this... that i wanna tell someone else.... this.... to u... the only person i sang this song to....

I'm sorry for me buggin' you
Sorry for being such a fool
God knows I've tried but I can't let go I'm crazy 'bout you know who

I'm sorry for me needing you
Sorry girl that you don't feel it too
I get the point, should be a man about it
I've never been good at that - no no
Forgive me for being me
I've tried to let go

Chorus:
I know you got a boyfriend-another man
Another guy by your side
Someone who hopefully treats you right
But you don't know how much I wish That I was
Your boyfriend - that other guy
The only one who's allowed
In your room to lay in your arms at night
now you don't know how much I wishThat I was your boyfriend

I'm sorry for me wanting you
Sorry for not playing by the rules
But what would you do if you were in my shoes
Feeling lost and blue Mnn

I'm sorry for me lovin' you
sorry for being such a fool
God knows I've tried but I can't let go
I'm crazy 'bout you know who

Chorus:

Another man is by your side
I hope he treats you right
I wish I was the only one
To lay in your arms at night
Well you can't blame a guy for tryin'
now what else can I do
And how I wish that my prayers, Thoughts and dreams
Would become reality

...... offical lack of love ......

well.... time for intensive training... hehe....


later goin to meet someone.... goin to orchard to take pics together... hehe... man... i am goin gaga again... hehe....


need slp.... last nite at 3 am got hungry got up n cook... a bit the siao but nvm.... hungry mah...



still waiting for his reply.... hmmm....

music goin at full blast....

tried to think but words of song flood my mind...

wanna stop everything... but music is all i hear...

only thing in mind is music....

there is no wake up call...

lights is all i see...

no one is in sight... forsaken like a plage...

reminders of pain n sadness made fren...

all i have is music...

songs n music...

music on at full blast on earphone... tried to think but all is absorbe by music...

close up from the world... close up from any n everything outside my room...

music song sound light wind air bed toys... illusion, delusion...

cant see juz hear...

when will this end... hiaz...

well... wanna juz go trap... but then was trap by my parents today so juz add tat down as a side line...

anyway, both telling me different thing at the same time... n i can't run coz i was hafing lunch... now see any other parents can beat that....

well... i donno... been stoning since.... today... well... i really donno wat to say... hangover from yesterday... well... don ask... no words can describe yesterday... if other blog bout it then go read it from them...

lookin out of the windows with the grill open... looking down... juz realise wat a long way down it is... went home alone yesterday... thinking bout lot of things... people wanna lead a normal life... i do too... n when someone is too difficult to handle.. or perhaps when they got into trouble, how many people will stay with them.... i think i heard the most "if anything happen don look for me" ever in my life... can't remember from who liao... doesn't matter too.... people wan normal life... u can't make their life normal, they kick u out... is that how things goes in this world?

surprise myself at a lot of things... no matter wat happen to me i still know how to go home... juz donno how i got home... hiaz... considering that my house is the place i spent the most in my life... god knows wat will happen if i move out or change house... *ponder*

christmas is coming... i actually forgot bout that... now, days juz pass as they... pass... really donno much any more...

maybe i juz wan someone to take care of me... maybe i juz wan to b loved n taken cared of... maybe i should start thinking of how i am goin to spent the rest of my life alone...

nowadays the only thing that cheered me up is this comic... called boy meets boy... well... i donno... it ended alreeady... today read the last part... it is a happy ending... but then... it made me long for wat the guys gone through in the comic... i think i am addicted to the comic liao... don wan it to end... too much ending...

http://boymeetsboy.keenspot.com/d/20000922.html

juz had a phone call wif wes... i really donno wat to say liao... feel like saying from now on, call my house... will not ans or reply sms... think i will b out most of the time or slpping... basicially don bother contacting me... don think i will update my blog wif happenings....