hahaha.... i have decided.... i will follow my son's advise...... i will move on...... sorry adrian..... much as it hurts my heart to let u go but it hurts more if i hold on...... i wanna find someone else liao.... hope u r ok wif it and that u will take care of yourself and i love you...... feel like crying...... now i know the meaning of 喜欢一个人就要让他走..... hahhaa.....

well last night..... man.... so nice.... so cool.... so great!!!! hahaha...... and so cool.... hahhaa..... okok.... went to the spa again... as usual.... hahaha =P then.... well got crusie as usual.... hahaha =P by this..... OMG guy..... really good looking.... n "rough" the way i like.... so it was like damn nice last night..... erm.. hahaha..... and he looks like jacky cheung.... o man.... those aaahhhh old mature type.... n good looking somemore..... and that not all.... he is like late twentys lookalike..... but actually late thirties liao..... n i was like..... wow....... omg!!!!! *faints.....

o donno lar..... i just can't stop smiling.... he is like...... perrrrrrfect...... well.... to me lar..... and..... well... he is attached for 16 years liao..... so.... too bad for me lar...... hahhaa..... well anyway he n his bf are still together but they come out for fun once in a while lar...... and i was like 16 yrs...... wow...... catching my eye balls....... anyway.....he gave me wat i wanted..... all that i wanna feel..... n for once i was in heaven....... hehee...... well.... at least once again..... hahhaa

o n well i guess i will not forget him..... sunny..... haha..... my sunny day.......

oooo.... nnnnnnn..... last night..... he called........ aaaahahhhhhhh my hunk..... called..... n i was like.... AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH hahaha.... took me a while before i sleep.... hahaa.... n i was like...... too happy liao..... he called to wish me good night..... n i was like blur blur..... huh... o ... good night..... n thought was elton..... then after he say who he is i was like... super awake....... n WOW!!!!!!!!!!! it is him!!!!!!!!!!!! but put down the phone coz 1. i too happy to think of wat to say..... n 2. he knows that i am tired and so put down the phone..... but the most important thing is that HE CALLED!!!!!! HE CALLLED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

hahaha siao liao...... hahahaa....... ar bish.......

I have come down to a conclusion…. My mom will not care even if I die… y?? coz when I got home wanna tok to her…. Donno wat happen to her…. Bad day I think…. N so she juz like scold me… well complain bout me joining cheerleading… and other stuff… and then she was like… I donno lor…. I already feeling no good… sick n all…. And she…. She…. She just… like that…. I donno lor…. Feel so sucky now….. at first I was thinking how bout my mummy if I die…. Now…. Kinda like anytime I go also nvm liao…. She don care wat…. Donno who in this family of mine will care….. my sisters will be like…. “Well with or without him also nvm”….. my bro will be happy to have the whole room for himself…. My parents…. They don care bout wat I do anyway….

I at first though n hope that people will remember me aft I die…. Now… kinda like…. Guess no one will remember me….. well also good that way…. At least less people will know n care that I die….

I donno lor but at cheer…. They keep on laughing at my dance…. It is as a joke… but felt so discouraged and so sad…. And they donno…. Like I will tell them like that…. Hiaz…. Nothing seems to worth living…. Wanna cry also cannot….. my com is giving me problem…. And I hate it when I can’t connect to the internet at home….. I donno liao lar… kinda living day by day…. No goals nothing…. Wonder y is life like this…

Best thing I see is that people are hurting me without them knowing…. And I donno wanna them to know…. I donno y… but just don feel like telling them…. Hiaz…. How…

Anyone willing to take me in n support me??? I think my parents don wan me anymore….

sick sick sick sick sick sick sick

Sunday Monday did not update my blog… coz lappy fall sick…. Then bring him go n see doctor liao…. So now better…. Hahaha….. well good thing…. Now is better as in more advance but then lag… hahaha…. Too much things in my com liao…. Hehee… well… wa to do…. Sian….. for once I will say I don feel like goin to cheer… coz got made fun of there….. donno lar… I can’t dance I know…. N I wanna learn…. But then seems like…. I donno lar…. Damn discouraged by them…. Well they donno bout it…. Coz I will not tell them…. Hehe… well as usual I hide it from them and others……

Just did my test today…. Stupid man….. donno wat is wrong with the network….. damn fuck up…. For my class only…. Stupid….. hiaz…. i feel like it is so stupid….. n there is nothing they can do….. coz it is the network… fuck up man….. mon no lappy, Tuesday no network….. damn man….. stupid domain too…. Fuck fuck fuck man……then Microsoft kinda like prob…. I wanna scream liao…. Piss off…… screw up technology man…..

Well I feel like I am living day by day only… kinda have like no meaning…. Donno y….. but don really care….. sometimes I wonder, y do I reject people who are nice to me….. am I stupid?? Well who should I choose??? Someone I like or someone who likes me??? Coz well… so many people likes me…. But who I like??? I donno…. Well I don even know a lot of things… Adrian??? Well no contact again… coz nv go clubbing…. And so wat if we did??? I donno….. coz put it this way… if I happen to like someone else….. n he asked me…. Who will I choose???? I really donno….. see who comes first??? Hahaha… well… I know of people who really love me…. But do I love them?? I donno…. Should I accept them?? I donno…. Kinda so much older than me….. more than 12 years….. hiaz… how?? Donno lar….. what is goin to happen to me??? I donno but seems like sometime soon I needed to get someone to love me n that I love too coz well… I don think I can continue like this… missing people like siao… I donno y I feel like this…. And it is like…. Just meet only…. Another one of my short term love??? Hiaz…. It seems like I fall in love easily… but difficult to stay in love…. Who can tame this heart of mine…. Who can make me stop n love just him n only him?? Who is my ONE…. Hiaz…. Do I sound despo??? Hope not I guess… will aj love last??? I donno too…. But I am willing to give it a try…. I will try till I found him…. But… who is he???

Seems like I am asking a lot of questions…. Who I am…. Who is he…. Who are they….. hahaha…. Kinda comical….. lol…..