now not thinking of dying again... or let put it this way... not thinking of killing myself again... more like... aft training today... yes i went back to training... anyway, so ya... training... but then... started coughing like last time... the non-stop type... so long never cough till like that liao... that y i went back to training.... but who knows... hiaz... so cough n cough... n chest pain... again... hiaz... well anyway so on my way home i was like... cannot breathe again... hiaz.... then kept having this scene of me coughing out blood during training or when there is no one around... then tried to call him... but he did not pick up the phone... donno lar... then keep on thinking that went hospital... then doc say donno wat... but then i will not live long.... so it is like me started thinking... if my hp is still not up... then i cannot contact anyone... is it better not to tell anyone that i died till aft my funeral... or is it better to tell them... coz started thinking of all my frens... my church frens... my cca buds.... my school mates.... my aj frens.... then i was thinking.... mayb it is better not to let anyone knows.... mayb they will juz forget bout me.... then mayb it will be better.... i thinking too much again??? hehe...

anyway, during training... i cause a flyer to fall... then aft that.... first time... scare... scare of carrying a gal... scare to throw her... donno y... hiaz... feel like... so weak n useless...

anyway i can't stand it... someone better get out of their depressing mood... coz it is making me sad..... hiaz....


i donno u readin this or not.... but... i know how much u haf to do.... so.... i am willing to give up goin out wif u if u not free.... hiaz.... i don wanna say this... but i know how much u haf to do... n i can't be selfish.... am n will do anything for u... u juz haf to say...