hahaha.... come in here to crap again...... mayb this will be another one of my long long post and saying what i have in mind.

these are the topic i will be touching..
1. school and my future
2. loneliness
3. love

firstly school.
i can tell you this. i donno what i am doing. i come into this course because i like science. i come in here because my mom says it is nice. so i come in. and i donno what i am in for. but now i know.
for problem solving yesterday, i come to realise that if next time i have to go into stem cell research and they taking embryo i will not do it. it is just how i see life. and this is not the first time i actually feel sick and stupid to have taken this course. i just donno what to do sometimes. to kill a "life" to save another. will i?? i don think so. i really donno. and well i know i always like nutrition. and suddenly i remembered bout alvin's job. with a nutritionist. kinda like.... i donno.... wat u think?? a sign?? i hope so.... i really donno. i donno what to take n where to go now..... thank god it is the last week of school already..... n then holiday.... 1 mth... ehehe.... well about lar.... o man.... wat can i do???? aaahhhhhh!!!!!! to continue or not????
i wanna know more bout the company that alvin is in.... mayb can profile it..... i hope so..... hiaz..... what to do...... once i got my feelings and thinking straight i think i will make a better choice..... but what i want to do??? i still donno..... acting??? writting???? or wat????? my future??? hiaz.... no future at all again...... i see no future.....

2nd thing: loneliness.
why i talk bout this??? coz every where i turn people are saying they are lonely, not attached..... i can't stand it. i say this first i really can't stand it!!!!!! y so despo???? i mean look at it this way.... i am lonely sometime..... but not to the extent that i wan a bf asap!!!! well it will be good to have one.... but not so despo!!!! i want someone who can be there for me.... who can make me feel safe.... who is there for love.... not just for a "relationship" .... and i have to be able to give him something as well.... i wan a both giving relationship.... i don wan to be the one giving only... or the one recieving too..... and.... i donno lar...... i feel like i so funny.... sometime passive sometimes active..... passive in bed n on making decision.... active in what i believe in..... hahhaa crazy???? a bit lar..... someone whom i can feel safe in..... hhaa..... can't believe it man..... so many i wan n i don wan...... will i find the perfect guy????? hahhaha i hope so.....

3rd thing: love
why love? what is love? i donno yet...... so far only a few people have shown me.... but i donno..... when n how to make it last..... i admit that i get tired of things fast..... n wanna try new things..... n wanna b fexlible in some, logheaded in others...... donno lar..... i wonder is there anyone who is like me??? ahahhaha chaos i think if there is...... n what do people judge me by... when they say they love me..... my looks???? that i am cute????? or my personality???? which is i donno what....... or what???? that i shower them with love coz i love them??? or coz when i love them i give everything???? hahaha..... kinda funny..... i think i haf not given my everything to one person before...... i go all the way out.... n got hurt... ya... i do..... got stronger??? don think so.... hahha..... but do i care??? no...... i am searching.... willl b searchin..... n i will wait till the perfect one comes..... i will not settle for anything less..... but am willing to try wif those who wanna try.... like JOE.... if he wans.... lol.... hahahhaa..... lame... i know.... hahaha.... but i mean it...... hhahaha =P

don wanna wake up alone any more
still believing u'll walk throungh my door
all i need is to know it's for sure
then i'll give all the love in the world.....

i will do that..... i will all i need is to know that you are my one....... n i will....... don hurt me.... pls... i don wannna get hurt..... hahhaa!!!..... [=p]