Friday 30/07
Ok… today… woke up late… coz… playing game… been slppin a lot lately… n well… dar sms me at 7 30 as usual… now he always sms me at bout 7 30 like that… n we chatted… n well.. it is like a continuation from last nite… n he asked me to… “ think of me that you never think of anyone b4, miss me that you never miss anyone b4, love me that you never love anyone b4, kiss me that you never kiss anyone b4..” I think he means “like” instead of “that” so it is like “think of him like I never think of anyone b4……” well… that is wat I am doin already wat… hahaha…. Anyway, then I go back to slp… woke up at bout 12 then play game… hehe… I can’t stand this “mourning” thingy… yes I am mourning for him… but that doesn’t mean that I haf to wear that t-shirt all the time… I will b wearing white, blue or black… n that is the sign I am giving… I don need to show to be mourning… n my mom was like… “ muz wear this, cannot wear that…” n to think that the day b4 I was chatting wif my aunt n they were like can wear anything liao…

Whatever…

Saturday 31/07
Well… slpt late as usual… then in the afternoon bout 12 plus woke up… then funny thing happen… asked mummy for money to haf lunch n dinner n she come n lecture me bout the whole i- spent- too- much- money- n- keep- on- asking- her- for- money lecture again… n then complain bout my sis… I was like… one ear in, the other out as usual… then she gave me 10 bucks to settle my sis lunch n my lunch n dinner… I was like… wat the… staving me sia…
Anyway then went for meeting… well… it is good to be back in server… but… hahaha…. First time back… can’t stop laughing… people play wif fire n burn the baptismal fount… then some “outsider” come n wanna sack the server… o man… this is like crap… lol… anyway then I went to nines… suppose to use the internet… but the network is down… I went there specially for that.. n it is down… lol… well then it is ok… since I can talk to my frens… then had this suddenly feeling… felt very down… think it is this that spark alvin’s period of sadness… sorry dear… didn’t mean to do that to u… juz that… well… juz sorry…
Anyway, was actually waiting for dar to haf dinner too… me didn’t eat the whole day actually… then at bout 9.30 he msg saying tat he needs to take care of his grandparents… n ask me to settle dinner myself n b home by 10.30… I was like… how can… not as If I am in his house… hehe… anyway, he juz don get the msg that
1. I let go of my first stead liao… a.k.a. Adrian…
2. I love him the most n the whatever out of all my other relationships
3. I don mind not meeting my frens to meet him
4. I am willing to do anything for him…

N well… he kept asking me wat if my first stead comes back n ask me to b together again… n told him I will say no like god knows how many times liao… and he still like that… sian man… haha…

oops… too sidetrack liao… then beg wif him later time then he say 11… well… provided food court is near lar… but the only place to go at that time was Maxwell… n well… the walking is already like how long… then still waiting for train… sian man… so he allow me to stay out late…

so had dinner… then sis msg… ask me where I am… blab la bla…. N I was… hello… I am eating… pls… but no… keep on disturbing me… then y?? coz my mummy wans me home now… I was like… whatever man… long time never go out… n today went out is to do school work… you do this to me… so wat actually happen is that according to her we are in this “mourning period” ok fine wif me… n so we all haf to say prayers together as a family… I mean… I am ok wif that… but wat if something like that happens?? Say without me lar… n she got so angry for god knows wat n then wanna lock me out… well I don mind… not like I care like that… n dar still blame me for goin home late… I mean… pls lor… if we haf gone for dinner together as u planned at 9 plus, I will b hone latest by 11 lor… n I was waiting for u lor… he always called me when he is home… n the thing is that I will b far away from home… n it is like… o well… whatever lor… then he is like… ok.. it is his fault… but.. well… I never blame him… not for anything even if it is his fault… juz can’t bring myself to do that… hahaa… n my mom…. Think she is under this period of grief and was like… totally uncontrollable outburst of emotions… I was like… ok I can understand… but hello lor… your father is also my grandfather lor… like u r the only one sad like that… I am too lor… n y is it that I always haf to give in to u?? when I show care n concern for u u r like “I can take care of myself” ya rite… I really donno wat to do to make u happy or to suit u u know… u like things to b done ur way… n so do i… y u can do it n I can’t?? that is so selfish lor… don u think?? Huh??? Tell me!!!! Man… wat r u thinking sia…
o by the way, she did not lock the door… thank god for siblings…