Was watching Eva the movie called “The End of Eva”. Seem like I have a lot in common with the main lead. Both of us kinda lost track of reality and dream. Sometimes I wonder what is real and what is not. Reality…. Wat is that?? I guess that is something that I have to find out myself. Coz I really lost it I guess. Too much suffering and pain…. And to shinji, the male lead, the only person who can solve his problems n help him is Ausuka, the 2nd pilot, pilot of my fav. Eva. The red one. And he always beg her for help but she says no. then he want to kill her. In fact all this happen in his dream world. And in real life, everyone is trying to help him but he refuse to allow then in. for me, hahaha…. I only go to Adrian…. And I refuse to let others help me…. And the thing is that if Adrian will not help me I will not kill him but I will break off everything with him….. kinda like shinji… he likes ausuka but still wanna kill her for not helping him. Hahaha…… man…. All this while in my mind I only allow Adrian to help me….. to tell me what to do. Kinda time to think for myself…. Like shinji, the answer he wans comes too late…. Everyone is dead…. But for me, I guess I woke up too late too…. Hurt so many people liao…..he n I, when depress, don care what happen or whatever…. Man… so like me…. Wat can I say?? I think that everyone thinks like me, act like me….. am kind, nice, good to one another…. So nice….. but when the real world show me what I don wanna see? Go back to my dream world where everything is so nice and great…. N my dream guy here, next to me…. And nothing else matter…. To tell u the truth, I am still in it. I wanna runaway from this world to a place where I can be and everyone thinks like me…. I wanna fly away and leave all these to yesterday…… hiaz….. dreams…… reality……… what are they???? Suddenly, I donno what is reality….. what is dreams….. what am i… who I am…. Who I really is…. What I wan…. Know y I am passive??? Coz I donno wat I wan…. N I juz get what others give me….. I don like to lead….. I don wanna make decision…… coz all I know will happen is in my dream world…. Not this world….. actually u know something…. I don even know when my day is over….. I kinda have no sense of time…. I donno y….. seems so…. I donno….. felt like…. I am juz living….. I wanna live….. but donno wat to do….. day in day out do the same thing….. may haf learnt things that I don even know I haf…… that is y I cannot plan stuff…. Coz I will always think positive thing will happen…… usually not the case….. hiaz….. wat to do….. the only time when I am out of my dream work is when I was with Adrian and when during cheerleading…. Other than that, I usually am in my dream world….. where I live….. I stay….. things happen my way…… healthy or not I donno….. but there is where I got many of my ideas…… I sometimes wonder really really what am I doing….. coz I really donno….. y I meet people??? Y I do this…. Y I did that?? Y is it that I can don care wat people think bout me…. Why why why….. but always no one ans me….. guess no one will….. since when did I becomes like this??? I donno….. will I get out of it??? I donno….. why I like guys???? Why I can’t seem to picture myself wif a gal???? why is it that I do all that I can and it is still not enough…… y do I not trust myself… y do I hate humans yet need them so much….. y can’t I be alone….. why is it that I am like this??? Why do I think like that???? Why do I love a person so much to be willing to die for him…. Y I can just stop thinking bout reality and juz think of nth and then juz go n die…… y do I know wat is goin to happen before it happen???? Why my life is so screwed up???

What am I talking bout????

Wait…. Who am i???
Who r u????

Identity crisis??? No…. been there done that…. Who I really am??? Which is my mask n which is myself….

Can’t seems to answer many questions……

Samuel….. Samuel….. Samuel…….
Sam… sam…. Sam…..
Duo Maxwell…… duo Maxwell….. duo Maxwell…..

Erm… who am i???



One of these days I may haf to go n see a psychologist…..