i donno wat to say...... the forum seems so fuck up...... i get angry wif people for no reason.....i think i shold stay at home one day........ i donno...... don feel like goin to sch..... yet don wanna stay at home....... i think i will go to the beach one day........

i donno wat is happening to me now....... miss him too much?? or juz one of my mood swing...... or juz my pms...... i miss a lot of things...... i wanna go back to my sec sch....... was thinking of leaving church........ thinking of hafing a long rest...... wanna stop YCS work soon..... i hope...... can't seems to go on with life...... i think that i will be posting long long post like yesterday....... well donno who comes n rread but then all i can say is that i don care..... this is myy blog...... this is the place for me to crap...... to tok...... if i don haf this, i think i might juz gone n die...... wat is the easiest way to die??? n slow n painless???? wish i can switch place wif someone dying of cancer..... i donno..... but hiaz..... y depress again........ wat up???? hiaz...... tired..... wanna slp...... long slp..... long long slp..... don wanna wake up..... i wanna one day soon..... morning go beach n then stay there the whole day.......

i wonder wat happen to my kor...... hiaz....... i really donno...... and i wish that he is not as bad as me...... adrian....... sometimes i wonder....... why do i miss u so much...... y u affect me so much....... y???? and i donno if it is love...... coz i really donno wat is love...... not anymore i think.... do i love u??? or i juz wan u??? i donno...... am i suffering from withdrawal symptoms??? is it that i have too much of u??? now i can't let u go???? what is happening to me???? can't stand even withh the mention of ur name..... juz ur name...... even if it is not u....... y??? y is it that everywhere i go it seems that every one looks like u....... why is it that i see u everywhere?? y r u everywhere i go???? y r u all around n not wif me??? it is like see u yet cannot see u....... u r there yet not there....... when can i get the courage to ask u..... to seek u...... to find u........ to ask u that question....... y is it that i seems to lost all my courage?????

sometimes i really admire Aeris, the gal who die in FF7...... given a chance, i don mind dying...... for people i love, for te world...... although i think that it is selfish to die coz i don like it here, but still i think that it is great to die so others might live....... not toking bout religion here...... juz..... me........ mayb that y i wanna b a cheerleader...... as a base, u haf to protect ur flyer wif ur life..... n i don mind..... i am willing to do so....... i hope that i live alone or haf my own room....... then i can really enjoy wat i am doin now....... off all lights...... listen to songs..... sad songs...... love songs..... and only my music and my com n me...... n tt all...... alone..... in this room of mine........

freedom...... wat that?? the ability to do watever u wan, be who ever u wan, nothing to stop u, no one to care bout....... that is something i almost experience wif uncle darius juz now...... well wif adrian in my heart i am never free...... and well when i got that, it seems that i haf to go back to sch liao..... hiaz.... where is my freedom?????? when will i get it????

i took a long time to type this...... form bout 9 45 till watever time i post...... juz feel so sucky.... n wanna type n write n throw everything out....... o man.... i donno wat i am doin...... again...... i really don feel like goin to sch tml...... can i......if i go it is only coz of david, my fac...... y??? i donno..... respect him....... juz like last sem...... it was terence n cyb..... got test tml..... so haf to go...... damn......

y is it that we all only realise what we have aft we lost it???? y can't we know it eariler???? wat is life??? y do we question life???? LIFE....... wat r u???? y r we here??? human????? a creature created by god?? or juz a monkey...... i kinda like the story of eva...... i donno y.... but it seems so nice...... so mystic...... n so like my religion...... well...... watever.......

frens or family???? do u haf frens closer to u that your family???? i have a family outside..... n i think they r more of my family thhan my family...... at least they r there when i need them...... hahaha.... i usually don say out my prob to them...... haha.....

who will b at my wake n funeral when i die???? i used to ask myself this question....... i donno.... coz i used to think that no one likes me..... so when i die it will b juz like this...... finish..... gone...... nth left...... will anyone remember me??? will people know me????? will anyone visit my grave????? will u???yes u say..... soon?? years later???? say that i am young.... ya... i am.... old??? ya i am too...... but i fear of growing up..... mayb tt y i so childish.....

lost in my mind...... hahaha.....